Philemon 13-14
13whom I was wanting to keep with me, so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel; 14but without your approval I did not want to do anything, in order that your goodness would not be by pressure but from your own free will.
Verse 13 gives further motivation for how Philemon should respond to the return of Onesimus. This verse builds on the theme from verse 11 of Onesimus as “useful.” These verses provide further background on Paul’s relationship with Onesimus and how this should also change Philemon’s relationship with him. Paul wanted to keep him there because of how he was a blessing to him. The verbal construction wanting to keep (eboulomēn katechein) uses an imperfect tense verb implying that this relationship had been developing and Onesimus’ help to Paul was on-going.
Onesimus’ help to Paul was a ministry or service (diakonē ) to him. The use of this special word may not be accidental but could show that Onesimus was doing a ministry similar to others who served in leadership positions (1 Timothy 3). He was doing what Philemon could have done if he was around Paul. Onesimus was an ambassador of love in behalf of Philemon. This was all for the gospel. Paul has essentially described Onesimus as a minister of the gospel. He went from slave to servant of Christ, doing similar things as Philemon.
Verse 14 serves as another rhetorical move by Paul to endear Philemon to the situation of Onesimus. Paul was taking a risk with this letter, but he had great hope and confidence that Philemon would see through any cultural bias he had and respond with love and acceptance towards Onesimus. Paul did not want to step beyond the position and authority of Philemon as the master and head of the home. There is a time and place to stand up to culture but there is also a need to work within the culture and trust the grace of God to change people. Paul put the ball in Philemon’s court to make any changes. Paul hoped that any changes would come from Philemon’s own decision.
Lasting change comes from free will and not coercion. Paul’s letter has many subtle persuasive elements to it, but he writes it with the right motives and in such a way that does not force Philemon to respond in Paul’s way but presents the need in a spiritual way that shows Philemon the bigger issues. For reconciliation to take place and a positive long term outcome to be realized, Philemon needed to make the decision about Onesimus for himself. He could not be pressured or coerced into this. If so, he might later have regrets. Paul does not define goodness (agathon) here, but that is the intended outcome of this situation. How he responded to this situation would confirm the growth of his love and faith.
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