Ephesians 6:1-3 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3“in order that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
One of the key themes in Ephesians 5-6 is relationships. Paul continues to give guidance to the believers in Ephesus and surrounding area about how Christians should live in their household. The parent and child relationship is crucial in all cultures. There are many nuanced differences among cultures and over time. The simple directions in these verses are universal and can apply in all cultures and times. This passage is still under the large theme of being filled with the Spirit back in 5:18. This is how Christians who are being transformed into the likeness of Christ ought to live.
Paul works within the Greco-Roman cultural structure to show how believers ought to live in relationships. He does not advocate social rebellion but internal transformation that impacts external relationships. The key words in these verses are the commands. The first command is that children must obey (hypakouete, verse 1). This word is related to hearing and acting upon what is heard. Obedience cannot be passive, but that leads to inaction, which is a form of disobedience. Children must respond to the instruction and discipline of their parents.
This is done in the Lord. Children may not understand the theological significance of this idea, but how they respond to their parents will indicate either their rebellious sinful nature or a tenderness to the work of the God in their lives. Children can be taught from early ages about what it means to be a follower of Christ. They may not understand the significance of this until they are older, but they can learn that God loves them and is watching them. Respect for God will lead to respect for parents. To obey parents leads to obeying God. If a child seeks salvation from God, this should be evident in obedience to parents. The two go together.
The second command is found in the quotation from Deuteronomy 5:16, honor (tima, verse 2). This word is based on the idea of giving worth and respect to other people. In relationships, it considers the needs and desires of others. Christian honor involves loving others unconditionally. This idea comes from the fifth commandment God gave Moses found in Exodus 20:12. The laws God gave to Israel and later the church are a reflection of God’s character and his will for people. This command shows how family relationships can be nurtured and wholesome.
As Paul points out, this is the first commandment that also has a promise with it. Living a good, prosperous, and long life is the land was dependent upon obedience to parents. How did Israel do once they entered the promised land? Somehow, the parent/child relationship broke down even within the first generation in the land, as the children turned from God to idols (see Judges 2:10-15). They did not experience peace and prosperity but became slaves in their own land. The most crucial way children must obey their parents is in their faith in God. Without this central focus, every other behavior will deteriorate into rebellion and the pain of sin. There are countless ways children must obey and honor their parents, but this is the most crucial of all.
The number one goal of parents should be to train up children in the Lord. From this starting point, parents can then guide their children into positive actions that lead to a good life. The counsel of parents can help children avoid many heartaches. If children are rebellious in the home, they will probably be rebellious in society.
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