Colossians 3:20-21 20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord. 21Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they will not become discouraged.
Paul continues his exhortation to the Christian households in Colossae and surrounding area. These two verses focus upon the parent/child relationship. Paul is advocating in these verses for the ideal Christian home, where everyone is mutually encouraged and discipled. In order to make this happen, both children and parents can create a climate of love and respect. Paul’s instructions here echo what he wrote in Ephesians 6:1-4. Children are addressed first and are urged to obey their parents in everything. Children’s obedience to parents has many benefits, both for the child and the parent. It is easier to learn when a person listens and follows instructions. Parents should have more wisdom than children (although some parents act like children themselves sometimes!). They have much to share with their children that will help them mature and make good decisions.
Obedience also keeps relationships healthy. Children are descendants of Adam and Eve, and so they have the streak of sin within them. This depravity can be guided through discipline so that children can grow in the Lord and someday come to accept Jesus as their Savior. Disobedient children often have problems later in life. Children’s obedience also brings peace. Disobedient and rebellious children create many heartaches for their parents and other people. It is pleasing to the Lord when children obey their parents because it is the path to righteousness. Obedience brings blessings
The question might be raised, what if a child’s parents are not believers? Should a child still obey? There is not condition attached to this command. The biblical context implies that as long as what a parent wants does not violate God’s law, then it should be obeyed, but if it goes against God, then the child should follow God and not the parent as much as possible. This raises an even more challenging question: what if a child’s parent is abusive or evil? It is so sad to see many children abused and neglected in this world. Everyone is born with potential, but wicked or ignorant parents can cause so much chaos for children. Seeds are planted in the early years of life that will bear good or bad fruit later on. Parents will be held accountable to God for how they raised their children.
These thoughts lead us to consider the importance of how parents should treat their children. Paul addresses fathers, but this obviously should include mothers who have vital rolls in raising children. He may focus upon fathers here because they were considered the heads of the typical Greco-Roman household and had ultimate authority over everyone in it. He urges parents not to provoke (erethizete) their children. Parents can provoke their children by doing things that cause their children to react in a negative way. Every child can see this in a parent from time to time, although sometimes this is only the rebellious reaction of the child and not any blame for what the parent has done. Parents must be careful that they do everything in love, and that the child knows he or she loves the child unconditionally. Even discipline must be done in love, with grace and forgiveness readily given as well as the warning through the discipline.
The outcome of this provocation could be discouragement (anthemōsin) for the child. It is disheartening to see so many children who are sad within their families. Childhood should be a time of imagination, growth, and exploration in a safe and secure environment. Abuse, neglect, and conditional love (by withholding needs or spoiling) will only create challenges for a child as he or she grows older. Some children are able to overcome this through the grace of God and their own wise decisions, but they are fighting an uphill battle. Even though these two verses are short and to the point, there is a lot behind them that should be considered in the raising of children.
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