1 John 4:20 20If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar. For the one who does not love his brother whom he sees, he has not seen God nor is he able to love.
John makes a clear connection between loving God and loving those around us. Not loving one’s brother or sister contradicts any claims about loving God. Hates (misē) is a strong word in English, especially for a Christian. It stands out in an epistle about love. In this verse, hatred is clearly the opposite of love. It appears when love is absent because it is a manifestation of our fallen, sinful nature. We hate others because we do not know what it means to love or how to show it, because we live without reference to God and do not have God as the focus and center of our being. We have cut off the source of love, making it impossible to love unconditionally because of the taint of self. One challenge with this is that people become blind to hate because it masks itself as love, but it is selfish and sees others as objects to be used and even abused.
Few would say that they hate anyone. The challenge, however, is that people lack love in subtle ways, for example, by letting hurts go unhealed. Wounds can grow so large that they blind us to love and become a barrier between us and our brothers and sisters. The excuse, “I won’t apologize until so and so apologizes,” suggests a deep problem in a person’s heart. The proof of God’s existence is in how believers act toward others, particularly toward one’s “enemy” (Matthew 5:43). We show that God is real because we are breaking free from human nature and taking on the divine quality of God. People look at us and see something different, not like the world of self but of selflessness.
Love is closely related to humility, which is a requirement for strong relationships with others. Humility provides space to put the needs of others ahead of our own (Philippians 2:1-4). Humility requires spiritual strength that comes from abiding in Jesus. Love is also closely related to forgiveness. When others wrong us, the Holy Spirit draws on the love God has given us and guides us to forgive others, to consider their weaknesses, and to pray for them. If we do not forgive, we are not listening to the Holy Spirit. Love is also related to acts of compassion. Compassion can be the spark that initiates relationships and heals the brokenness within them. The key question that is implied is, will we live by the darkness of the world, or will we walk in the light of love?